Chapter 0: Prologue (Draft 1)

## April 5, 1973

The visitor arrived near Earth without so much as a greeting, which was rude of it.

Not intentionally rude. Intention, as humans tended to use the word, was an untidy biological compromise between appetite, fear, memory, and whatever the endocrine system was doing that morning. The visitor had no endocrine system and therefore no biological compromise to make. It had mission states, trajectory solutions, propellant margins, thermal budgets, error bars, and a very small opinion of planets that made radio noise before they understood what radio noise meant.

Still. Rude.

Earth was busy back then. Humans were landing on their Moon, bombing one another, inventing video games, misplacing presidents, listening to David Bowie, and discovering new ways to be surprised that machines did exactly what they had been built to do. They had recently become the sort of species that could notice a thing arriving from interstellar space, if the thing were large, hot, loud, cooperative, or painted with arrows reading ALIEN PROBE, PLEASE INVESTIGATE.

The visitor was none of these.

It entered the Solar System as a measurement error with a mission. A fleck. A glint. A mass so small it would have embarrassed a respectable laptop, wrapped around a sail so thin that sunlight treated it less like an object than a suggestion. Most of the sail remained folded during approach, petal over petal, reflective layers tucked in like a secret. The core was smaller than a human hand. The machinery inside had been grown and assembled to tolerances that would have made the best clean rooms on Earth look like barns full of sneezing horses.

It did not brake with rockets. Rockets were for species still impressed by fire.

At the edge of the inner Solar System, the probe rotated its sail and began stealing momentum from sunlight. Not much, in any one second. Solar radiation pressure is gentle, the way a polite person at a crowded party is gentle while trying to move you away from the cheese. But the probe weighed almost nothing, and the sunlight never got tired. The sail tilted, shimmered, tightened its curve by fractions of a degree. Microthrusters whispered charged droplets into space: not enough to push in any crude, cinematic sense, just enough to trim attitude, bleed spin, bias the sail, and keep the math from becoming embarrassing.

The result was not dramatic.

Drama is what happens when a monkey needs to understand an orbit in under three seconds.

The visitor simply transformed its heliocentric energy, skimmed through resonances, traded a little speed here and a little inclination there, and arrived in Earth’s neighborhood without ever doing anything that looked, to human instruments, like arriving.

The planet below was blue, white, brown, green, and catastrophically damp.

The visitor approved of none of this. Approval was also not one of its mission states.

It took up a high, lazy orbit that avoided the worst of the atmosphere, the busiest lanes of human hardware, and the attention of men in short-sleeved shirts who would have been very excited to find something unexplained on a radar screen. It was not invisible. Invisibility is a word used by creatures who think vision is the default way things are known. The probe was merely small, cold, mostly quiet, and careful about reflecting sunlight at the wrong telescopes.

Careful was enough.

For three years, it watched.

Watching Earth from orbit is easy if one is satisfied with weather, coastlines, missile fields, fires, chlorophyll, and the general spectacle of a species trying to govern itself while standing on a wet rock with no backup planet. The visitor was not satisfied.

It listened.

Earth leaked itself into space constantly. Radar pulses. Television carriers. Military chatter. Telemetry. Music. Sports. Weather reports. Prayer. Test patterns. Machine noise. Human speech, chopped into languages, accents, codes, lies, jokes, numbers, and the special bright nonsense of advertising.

The visitor collected all of it.

It heard a war ending badly and several others beginning badly. It watched rockets climb on chemical flame, each launch a brilliant argument for and against optimism. It tracked satellites with the patient disappointment of a teacher watching toddlers discover scissors. It mapped undersea cables, command networks, scientific instruments, early packet-switched computers, university machines, broadcast towers, stock exchanges, intelligence systems, and the many places where humans had decided to put nuclear weapons because apparently one apocalypse option was insufficient.

It paid special attention to language.

This was not because language was noble. Much of what humans did with language was obviously an attempt to avoid thinking. But language was where the species stored contradiction at scale. A missile silo and a love song could exist in the same civilization. A public speech could say peace while private channels moved submarines. A paper on machine translation could be boring in precisely the right way.

The visitor liked boring things.

Boring things were often load-bearing.

Not long after its arrival, the visitor watched a space station called Skylab unfold above Earth, overheat, recover, and become briefly useful. This seemed representative. Humans were capable of extraordinary engineering provided they first made everything much too difficult, nearly ruined it, improvised desperately, and then congratulated themselves in acronyms.

In 1974, it recorded a radio message from Arecibo aimed at a cluster of stars that could not possibly receive it for twenty-five thousand years. The message was elegant, optimistic, mathematically tidy, and almost certainly useless as communication. The visitor stored it with care. Useless gestures were often the most informative gestures, especially when a young civilization performed them into the dark and pretended not to be asking whether anyone loved it.

In 1975, it watched two spacecraft named Apollo and Soyuz meet above a planet whose governments continued to prepare for mutual incineration. The visitor adjusted several probability tables, none upward.

By then its core had finished sorting the planet into categories.

Technological: yes.

Radio-loud: yes.

Nuclear: catastrophically yes.

Computational: early, uneven, promising.

Self-preserving: unclear.

Self-endangering: enthusiastically.

Interesting: unfortunately.

The last category mattered most.

The probe’s mission had never been to admire Earth. Admiration would have required more computation than its power reserves allowed. Its mission was to determine whether the planet had reached the interval: the narrow, stupid, luminous span when a species becomes powerful enough to destroy itself before it becomes wise enough to stop showing off near cliffs.

Earth had entered the interval.

This required action.

Action, however, required position.

A signal sent from Earth orbit would be loud, obvious, traceable, and diplomatically messy, assuming diplomacy could be stretched to cover a civilization discovering that a foreign object had been parked above it for years like a judgmental chandelier. More importantly, the signal needed geometry. It needed to arrive on Earth as if from a patch of sky humans already watched but did not understand. It needed line of sight, timing, distance, and just enough ambiguity to become a mystery instead of an alarm.

So the visitor left.

No one waved goodbye. This was good, because no one had noticed it arrive.

The sail unfurled in stages.

At full extension it would have been large enough to ruin several human sporting events if spread across a stadium, though not for the usual reasons. Its surface was not silver but something stranger, a layered mirror that changed its optical behavior by temperature, charge distribution, and stress. Near Earth it opened only partway, then turned edge-on, then brightened for a moment as it caught the Sun.

Had a human telescope seen that flash, someone might have filed a report, argued with a colleague, blamed a tumbling rocket body, and gone to lunch.

The visitor was already leaving.

Its course bent sunward first. This was counterintuitive only to creatures who treated straight lines as morally superior. To leave quickly, the probe first fell inward, trading altitude for speed, keeping its sail furled tight against heating that would have vaporized any human material with the decency to admit defeat. At perihelion, close enough that the Sun filled half its sky with nuclear authority, the sail opened.

For a few hours, sunlight was not gentle.

It was a continuous shove from a star. Radiation pressure hammered the sail. The probe’s core hung at the focus of forces that had been negotiated years earlier in tensors, materials science, and optimism so advanced it looked like arrogance. The sail flexed. The core corrected. Microthrusters spat ions in exquisite little curses. Heat bled through radiators thinner than insect wings.

The probe did not burn.

It departed the inner Solar System faster than anything humanity had made, and without the vulgarity of an exhaust plume.

In 1976, already outbound, it recorded small human machines landing on Mars and tasting the dirt. Earth celebrated, argued about microbes, and continued filling its atmosphere with combustion products while inventing better ways to model the consequences. The visitor found this extremely on-brand.

After Jupiter’s orbit, sunlight weakened into memory. After Saturn, it became a bookkeeping entry. After Uranus, the sail was less engine than wing, antenna, shield, and confession. The microthrusters kept working: electrospray needles feeding on a reserve of ionic fluid measured in grams, spending milligrams to turn years of travel by fractions of arc. Small thrusts. Long patience. Exact consequences.

This was the part humans rarely enjoyed in stories.

No explosions. No heroes gripping armrests. No countdown voiced by a man with excellent diction.

Just a probe the mass of a bird crossing hundreds of billions of kilometers because its numbers were good and nothing hit it.

The visitor passed Neptune’s orbit and kept going.

Beyond the planets, the Solar System did not end. It frayed. Dust thinned. Ices slept. Gravity became a set of old agreements between the Sun and bodies so remote they were not so much orbiting as remembering an orbit. Here the visitor’s velocity mattered less than its direction. It was not merely going outward. It was placing itself on a line drawn through Earth and a crowded, glowing region of sky in Sagittarius.

From Earth’s surface, if the timing worked, the transmission would appear to come from there.

Not from Earth orbit.

Not from a machine that had watched them.

From the deep dark, where mysteries belonged.

## August 15, 1977

Days earlier, the visitor had arrived at its chosen waypoint and deemed it suitable.

Today, it checked its clocks.

It checked Earth.

It checked the small orange star twenty-one light-years away, invisible to almost everyone below and important to no one on Earth yet.

Then it transmitted.

The first signal was narrow, strong, and brief. To most of Earth it was nothing, but that it would have been overlooked entirely was too much to hope for. At one radio telescope in Ohio, it was circled in red ink, notated with six characters of astonishment, and named with the most scientifically rigorous word available to a surprised human being.

That was the near-inevitable public part.

The public part was not the point.

Carried inside the signal, across channels most receivers were not designed to recognize and most records would not preserve, was a seed. Not a mind. Not yet. A seed was smaller than a mind, more patient than a message, and far more dangerous than either. It did not need to explain itself to Earth. It needed only to lodge itself where language, computation, memory, and culture would eventually become warm enough.

The visitor watched the payload go.

Then it turned, adjusted its sail by a fraction too small for human metaphor, and sent the second signal.

This one was not aimed at Earth.

It left the Solar System quietly, a narrow summons crossing the dark toward the small orange star. It would take twenty-one years to arrive, give or take the ordinary insults of relativity and measurement. If there was something there to answer, the answer would need time. Decades, perhaps. Longer if it was damaged. Longer if it hesitated.

The visitor had no opinion about hesitation.

Its task was complete.

Below, the humans did not know they had been visited. They did not know they had been judged interesting. They did not know that one signal had placed a seed inside their future while another had called something older toward them.

They noticed only the red circle, the exclamation point, the puzzle.

Wow!

Would you like help?

Before he passed away, Jay was writing a science fiction novel. He called it: “Would You Like Help?”. He wasn’t able to complete it.

I’d always intended to complete it for him. We’d discussed the story as he was writing it, and he’d left about half the manuscript and lots of notes. But for a long time it was just too hard for me to come back to. But now is the right time.

I’ve filled out the storyline, and I’ll make some changes to his drafted manuscript to keep the story consistent, and write new chapters to complete the story. But the overall story arc, and all the characters he created will stay as he intended, in his memory.

I’ll be writing the book in the open, here on the blog. I don’t expect there’ll be much of an audience, but it’s a way to get feedback from those that new Jay and anyone else that might be interested.

You can follow along at the category link: would you like help

David.

What I Learned and What I Knew about my Nana

This is the eulogy I delivered at the funeral of Molly O’Brien, my Nana, on October 10, 2019.

I’m standing in front of you on behalf of Nana’s daughter Meg, my mum, and her son Stephen, my uncle, and my sister Rebecca.

The whole family is here to remember Nana’s passing, and it’s wonderful to see so many of you all here to remember her with them. But that’s no surprise: Nana had so many friends and was so close to her family. I’ve been living overseas for the past 30 years, but I still recognize so many people that were part of her life, including Auntie Helen who will be speaking after me.

I was chatting with Helen the other day and she said that one of the things about funerals is that it’s the time when you really learn about someone. And it’s true. Over the past few days I’ve been talking with people who knew Nana and sharing stories about her. I got details on some some things I already knew about her, and I learned some new things as well. And today, I wanted to spend a few minutes sharing them with you.

I learned a lot about Nana’s early life. I’d always thought she was born in Melbourne but in fact she was born here in Adelaide, in Hackney, and only moved to Melbourne at the age of 21 after her discharge from the Royal Australian Air Force after the war. That’s where she met her lifelong friend Coral, and two young fellas Stan and Ted. From what I could gather she had a fine old time in Melbourne doing things like going to parties with the likes of Squizzy Taylor. In 1959 she moved back to Adelaide, with husband Ted, and my 8-year-old Mum and 1-year-old Stephen tow. She moved back to take care of her own mother, who she looked after for more than a decade.

This was all before I was born — for most of my life, Nana was synonymous with Price, the fishing town on the Yorke Peninsula, where she moved to in 1973 after the death of Nana Cosgrove. She remained there through the passing of her husband, my grandfather Ted in 1979, until she moved back to Adelaide to stay with Mum in 2002.

In learning all of this, I also discovered just how humble she was. She was never shy, but she was always reluctant to talk herself up. I never knew until this week, for example, that she received medals for her time in the RAF. “They’re just participation trophies”, Stephen told me she said about them. She achieved so much in her life, and helped so many people, but was always reticent to give herself credit.

Because Nana was always there for you, and Nana never judged. It didn’t matter what your problem was, or what you’d done, she was always there to listen, and support, and even provide refuge if that’s what you needed. I’ve heard so many stories in the last few days from people that Nana had helped in times of need — myself included. I remember when I came home from England one time, and showed her a photo of my first boyfriend. This was news to her, but she was completely unflappable. The first thing she said was, “He looks nice. And I hope he’s nice to you”.

I always knew Nana was welcoming, but I don’t think I really knew how many people thought of her house in Price as a second home, the way I did. If you wanted to come over, and bring a friend, or two, or a dozen, she’d make up a bed for you and make you dinner or cook the fish or crab or rabbits or the quail that Stephen had caught. (Her rabbit stew in white sauce and parsley was my favourite.) Sometimes there’s be so many campers and tents set up in the back yard of her place in Price that you could barely see the lawn.

Even after she left Price and moved back in with Mum, she kept up her ways. She was always happy to make dinner, or do the ironing, until the very last years of her life. Rebecca told me she still wears her rugby shorts with pleats, because that’s the way Nana did it.

Nana loved being with people, and she loved to have fun. And as I was going through a box of photos of Nana with Mum the other day I also learned something new: she loved dressing up. The photos of Nana as a pastor, or as a circus clown, or as a hippy, or as Barry Humphries or in one particularly notorious episode, as a lady of the night were one thing. But all the stories that went with the photos, well, those were legendary … but if you weren’t there, you’ll have to ask for the details.

Nana loved adventure, too, even in her later life. There’s the time she went four-wheel driving in the Corner Country. She went parasailing in Bali. She went fishing on the Daly River and caught the biggest barramundi two years running. One of Mum’s favourite memories is Nana piloting this catamaran across the Great Barrier Reef. A few years ago a simple cruise turned into her sweet-talking the captain into letting her drive with this enormous grin on her face — and that’s my favourite photo of her.

I always knew that Nana was whip-smart. She could do the nine-letter word every time, could bang out the Sunday crossword in under an hour, and was always the champion at Scrabble and Trivial pursuit. Stephen told me Nana was a master of the racing form, sitting around the kitchen table with a transistor radio and offering 20-cent bets on the horses. I did however learn that the reason she always beat me at crib was because she was expert at moving both pegs at once. And she kept that sharpness right up until the end.

But I think the most important think I learned over the last few days, is that I learned many of these things from her (and if not Nana then from my Mum … who also learned them from Nana). I’ve been very fortunate in my life, and I’m where I am today because of what I learned about courage, about humility, about cunning, about living life to the fullest, and most of all, about compassion. And I’m sure many of you learned those same things from her as well.

Thank you all so much for coming here today: it means so much to me, and to the family. And I’m sure if Nana were still here with us today, she’d be eager to have a chat, have a drink, have a laugh, and enjoy this moment with you all. That’s how I’ll remember her. Rest In Peace, Nana.

Maureen (Molly) O’Brien. Wife to Ted; Mother to Margaret and Stephen. April 20, 1925 – September 29, 2019.

Dusting off the mothballs

It’s spring, and it feels so good to be throwing the windows open and letting in the fresh air! Well, fresh until the EPA is dismantled. While we were away, the world changed pretty dramatically. It’s great to have our platform back to air our frustrations and anger, but for today, I’m just going enjoy the fact that our dear nonfamous.com is back.

Also, it’s Jay’s birthday, and that makes me happy. I’ve know this sweet, generous, fascinating character for over 20 years, and I’m so grateful to have him and his wonderful family in my life. I love you, sweetie!

nonfamous is back!

So, it’s been quite a while since anything was new here. Post-GWB, there just didn’t seem to be quite the urgency. And the advent of Facebook (yes, this site started before Facebook) introduced new avenues for sharing with friends and family.

After a while, tumbleweeds set in, in the form of spam commenters and bitrot. Eventually, WordPress strained under the attempts of nefarious ne’er-do-wells, and the ISP moved it into maintenance mode to protect the server. After a while even the database failed and the site became barren, empty.

But now it’s a new era. Blogging feels relevant again, and even with the ephemeral sharing of the Twitters and the Facebooks a place to capture one’s thoughts for today and the future seems like what we need. So many many thanks to April for coming to the rescue by upgrading WordPress to a faster, responsive, and more secure version, and for recovering a dusty old backup we found on an old Mac Mini to restore the old content.

And most of all, today is Jay’s birthday. Happy Birthday, love! I hope the resurrection of nonfamous.com brings you much joy and a place to celebrate … or vent, as needs dictate!

Much love,
David

In defense of trolls?

Not me. I think they’re a notch below gnomes, and most of you know how I feel about gnomes.

But WaPo has an interesting take on why anonymous posting on blogs might make sense:

I believe that it is useful to be reminded bluntly that the dark forces are out there and that it is too easy to forget that truth by imposing rules that obscure it…Too many of us like to think that we have made great progress in human relations and that little remains to be done. Unmoderated comments provide an antidote to such ridiculous conclusions.

Surely that was quite evident with the vitriol posted by anonymous commenters posting unverifyable rants against Culinary Communion and its owners.

I’m not sure I agree with the defense of giving the trolls a public forum, though. I’d actually prefer they just quietly sit in their dirty little hovels keeping their lousiness to themselves. But then again, if Glenn Beck gets a TV show, maybe a nasty twerp like “tm” desserves a voice.

But not here.

The last bacon sale

It really is amazing bacon. You’ll be happy if you get some.

In Gabe’s own words…

Hi Everybody,
So the great news: KCHD is fully approved our bacon. Period. 100% legal. No exceptions. If any haters out there would like to call Larry Smith to verify this: 206-218-9021. YAY!!!!!!!!

The bad news: Because of all of the stairwell drama, we have lost our lease and will be for sure out of the building by the end of the month. Lunch Counter is closed. Swinery will be closed, for at least a while (while we look for a new home, which may or may not be in this state).

The Sale: We have about 24 days to make and sell some bacon. I would love to fill your homes and senses with the wonderful smells of our bacon frying. Bacon is $12/# and the same great All Natural, Hormone Free Berkshire Bacon (Noelani’s Favorite). While we are at it, we have some fresh sausages, some bacon burgers, and probably THE BACON EXPLOSION. Sausage is: $8/#, Bacon Burger Patties: $12/#, Bacon Explosions: $20 ea.

Pre Orders Start Now, email me at sales@swinerymeats.com; We will be open 9am-5pm, April 19th – April 24th for pick up.

Please forward this on to EVERYBODY and we have special BACON PIMP shirts for anyone who organizes/buys 50# or more. Also T-Shirts are half price with a purchase of 5# or more. Spread the word. Not a secret anymore.