Flying is dangerous

… to your health, at least on American Airlines. I was flying from Seattle to Atlanta the other day, and I didn’t have time to get any food during the brief stopover in Dallas. So naturally, I was starving by the time I got on the plane for the second leg. Just a little snack was all I needed to tide me over until I got to the hotel, but American has stopped serving ANY food on the flight, not even peanuts with your drink.

You can buy a “snack” though, for $3. The only options are: cookie, chips, and M&M’s. (My flight back also offered trail mix, but I don’t think they had any at this time.) Hoping for something with oatmeal I can at least pretend is a little bit healthy, I choose the cookie. It’s a sugar-covered snickerdoodle monstrosity the size of a salad plate. I hate snickerdoodle. I send it back, and resort to asking for chips. At least I know I like chips.

Instead of the standard bag’o’chips, it’s a blue plastic canister the size of a can of tennis balls. Think Pringles crossed with a Big Gulp. It’s a huge can of Lays Stax or Flax or something. They’re vile. But I’m starving, so I eat a few of them, barely making a dent in the stack.

There’s nowhere to put this huge container as I’m cramped here in the middle seat, so I try and get the attention of the stewardess to give them back. (I probably ate 10 chips, making that snack 30 cents a chip. Yay.) While I’m waiting, I read the nutrition label. This “snack” they’ve handed out contains NINE HUNDRED calories. That’s HALF the daily calorie intake of most people. But at least, as the huge label on the front tells me, it has NO TRANS FATS and 20% LESS FAT THAN OTHER CHIPS. Somehow, that doesn’t make me feel better.

Next time I’m flying Alaskan.