A few weeks ago, Matt and I took advantage of a gift certificate to Cafe Flora, a well-regarded vegetarian restaurant just down the street from our new place. The menu looked almost promising, but as I broke down each potential option to figure out what it might taste like, I kept thinking things like, “that would be good, if only it had some lamb in it,” or, “yum, except risotto without chicken stock? I’m not sure that’s going to be particularly tasty.” Which, yes, I realize defeats the purpose of eating in a vegetarian restaurant, but remember, we were eating there because it was free, not because a meatless dinner sounded appealing. (And to follow up, indeed, the risotto would have been much improved with the inclusion of chicken stock. Flavor is a fine, fine thing)

One of the items in our appetizer plate was a vegetarian pate, which, while tasty on certain levels, lacked the unctuousness and depth of real pate, and just left me sort of pining for a bit of good old duck liver fat. A yearning I could potentially find myself nursing for the rest of my natural life if certain people have their way. It’s not bad enough that California is due to outlaw foie gras production in six years, but Whole Foods is now trying to do in the foie producers even quicker by strong arming their duck supplier Grimaud Farms, also Sonoma Foie Gras’ processor, if they want to continue doing business with the grocery store.

That is so not playing fair. First of all, it’s completely disingenuous to make such a fuss about force feeding ducks as being cruel when the average American eats a chicken that’s spent it’s life with it’s beak ripped off, in a cage it can’t move around in, getting pumped with antibiotics because it’s upstairs neighbor has no choice but to poop on it day in, day out. Compared to the chickens in this country, future plates of foie gras live lives of luxury.

Second of all, if people don’t want to eat foie gras, fine. Don’t. But don’t tell me I can’t eat it either. I don’t tell you you can’t eat e. coli strewn ConAgra produced beef in your Big Mac, and again, it just as cruelly produced, and at least as unhealthy, without being nearly as tasty.

To quote Thomas Keller, a national culinary treasure:

“I hope I’m retired by 2012…If force-feeding a duck is cruel, then packing chickens in a cage is cruel, and then the veal and the beef. We are all going to be vegetarians soon if they have their way. We should probably start converting now.”

Never thought I would say this, but Whole Foods has officially lost this customer.

There’s an episode of The Simpsons in which Martin, one of the nerdy kids, spends his last ten bucks on a talking Al Gore doll. “You are hearing me talk,” says the doll. It cracks me up every time. Plus, it’s a fairly accurate assessment of the production version of Al Gore. Stiff, not that interesting, but honest, very very honest.

Last night I attended a screening of Al Gore’s new movie, An Inconvenient Truth. It’s a film version of Al Gore’s slide show on global warming. His science is undeniably thorough and accurate. His passion about the issue is palpable, even on screen. This man has done his homework, exhaustively, and when the movie is over you have no doubt that his case is clear and that action is essential.

But I fell asleep in the middle anyway.

Granted, I am still in the throes of jetlag and staying up past nine at night presents some serious challenges, but I was still more than a little bored. There’s some good stuff in there, but a lot of it feels like sitting through a Power Point presentation at a meeting you don’t really want to be at. The interspersed footage about Al Gore’s personal life is supposed to illustrate how he came to be so passionate about the issue of global warming, but it struck me as somewhere between maudlin and a little bit vain. And also, beside the point.

All this is too bad, because you know what? Al Gore quite a good speaker and he is not boring at all.

I got a call at the last minute instructing me to rush to downtown Seattle where I’d get to see the movie and hear some local politicians speak briefly about the issues. Ron Sims and Greg Nickels – introduced by KC Golden from Climate Solutions – were there and talked about the work they were doing in King County and Seattle to reduce the region’s contributions to global warming. Then after the movie… surprise! Christine Gregoire and the man himself, Al Gore.

There are a few amusing bits in the movie. Mr. Gore introduces himself and says, “I used to be the next president of the United States.” Ouch. There’s another funny little thing with a scissor lift. It’s cute but also kind of controlled. But in person, unscripted, Mr. Gore is entertaining and funny and on fire about the issues. His voice gets louder and his hands wave around and he is inspiring. Here are just a few (probably inaccurate and not as good to read as they are to hear) quotes.

“We borrow money from China to buy oil from a region that is so unstable that we end up sending troops there every few years… this is NOT sustainable! “

“There seems to be some kind of puritanical underpinnings to the movement that wants to make us feel BAD about buying STUFF. I LIKE going to Costco. I am not going to stop going to Costco. “

“One day, we will be able to go places without taking 3000 pounds of metal with us every time. When we look back on this time, we’ll say, wow, that was weird.”

I was hopped up, and sitting on the edge of my seat while I watched the VP take questions and pace back and forth. He’s got good stuff to say and it’s interesting to hear him say it. Pity there wasn’t more of that Al Gore in the movie.

There’s a lot of hype out there about how you need to see this movie. I’m not totally convinced that you do. After all, here you are, reading me, so I suspect you’re already part of the choir. The real reason you need to see this movie might have more to do more with marketing than your need to be converted to the faithful. If you pack the house on opening weekend, the movie will get some decent press and then, maybe folks who actually do need to see the movie will get themselves to the megaplex.

That said, if you decide to go because you feel like you just don’t know enough about global warming, prepare with a good strong blast of caffeine. The other thing you can do, which may be the more compelling story in the long run, is to sign up to be a presenter of the Al Gore show. After seeing the movie and then hearing the man live, I think it’s better to go the live route. If you are the sort who could be a passionate voice for the crisis of global warming, you may be able to effect more change than a documentary about a politician giving a slide show.

Yesterday marked a concerted effort across the nation to raise awareness of, among many things, the exploitation of illegal immigrants and immigrant rights. Peaceful marches across our nation could be seen on all news (and fake news) broadcasts. While watching I decided I would contribute my thoughts to the debate while it’s still fresh.
Let’s start with the most rediculous thing I’ve ever heard, “Round ‘em all up and send ‘em all back to where they came from”. While the stupidity of this comment is undeniable on so many levels (try googling “white supremist favorite argument”), I attempted to dive into the “what if’s”.

What if we somehow managed to round up and ship the afore mentioned illegal immigrants back to where they came from, that would create some major job openings for lots of unemployed Americans. BUT Americans don’t work cheaply. If you manage to find some Americans willing to work for minimum wage, they can only work 30 to 35 hours a week or you have to offer them benefits. So now you have to hire 1.5 times the workforce (well honestly probably more like 2 times because Americans are lazy) to do the same amount of work your illegal immigrants were doing. So your labor costs have now doubled and that effects EVERYONE’s bottom line. Now instead of having my lawn mowed for $35/wk, it’s gonna cost me $70/wk… or if I want a sprinkler system put in instead of $2k it’ll run me $4k. That OJ you like to get at the grocery store will now increase in price because guess who picks those oranges… all the veggies and fruits you enjoy would increase in price as well. What about those construction costs? Houses don’t build themselves you know. And what about Wal-Mart and Target? They don’t clean themselves. Not to mention the food at Chipotle doesn’t prep or cook itself. Plus, imagine all the money it would take to physically “round up” and “ship” the illegals back to their respective countries, the costs would be astronomical. Absolutely the most recockulous thing I’ve ever heard.

So if we don’t send them all back, what’s the alternative? Simple, have them file for social security numbers, fill out the documentation and learn english ;0) and treat them like everyone else. Pay them, tax them, hold them responsible, take half of their children’s inheritence away when they die, etc. But the bright side to it all is that when the “undocumented” workers become documented and get social security cards they also get to pay taxes and insurance. Public schools and public programs should see immediate benefits. More tax payers means more money and that should allow for federal, state and local governments to recieve more money to funnel back into schools (which have been underfunded because the illegal immigrants were sending their children to public school) and possibly even get teachers those pay raises they want (or more realistically congress and the senate will get pay raises). Also, I wouldn’t be surprised if the IRS charged them for back taxes too.

The conclusion I have come to is that the cost of everything will now go up no matter what the outcome. If we ship them all home or if we pay them competitively and give them benefits, it’ll raise prices. Why? Companies in the US have been able to keep costs down by actively recruiting and exploiting illegal immigrants. Why would they employ such practices? Companies have gone to great lengths to shave some pennies off their cost to pass that onto the consumer. Just examine the Wal-Mart mentality for a second. Wal-Mart has learned to cut costs all the way across the board because they have found that most Americans will drive a little further, buy a little more, care a little less about quality if they can save a couple cents per item. (For example, if two gas stations are side by side and one station is a penny cheaper than the other, there will be more traffic at the cheaper station… even if it’s just 1 penny. If you have a 15 gallon tank, you save $0.15 per tank. At a tank a week that’s a whopping $7.80/year or $10.40/yr for 20 gallons). Our economy has always been driven by cheap labor (try googling “civil war” or “slavery”). Americans don’t like to haggle for price, they just want it cheap as possible. Companies will come up with creative “other” ways to cut costs to meet our demands. They’ll survive until they find a new species or race to exploit or until WE AS AMERICANS change.

I feel like I just gave a lecture.  Any questions, comments or criticism?

Apparently I was a little too optimistic about the Rush Limbaugh headline– the charges were part of a deal worked out with prosecutors and related to the drug problem he had a few years ago.  Damn. 

If you haven’t seen it yet, check out Stephen Colbert’s roast of Bush and the media at the White House Correspondents Dinner. You can download the video (longer version here) or read the transcript. Apparently the President was not amused, with lines like:

So the White House has personnel changes. Then you write, “Oh, they’re just rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic.” First of all, that is a terrible metaphor. This administration is not sinking. This administration is soaring. If anything, they are rearranging the deck chairs on the Hindenburg!

Perhaps it wasn’t Colbert’s best material, and with a tough audience too (the media didn’t seem to care to have their failings pointed out), but at least someone has allowed biting satire to penetrate W’s famous bubble.
Then again, maybe the President didn’t realise it was satire.

Colbert did good work here. If you want to thank Colbert for his performance, visit http://thankyoustephencolbert.org.

Also, check out this 60 minutes piece on Stephen Colbert.