You can’t be trusted to choose your lover

First, let me say that there are people who can not pick their own mates without help. However, that is what friends and family are for – to give you the reality check against your hormones, if you will. That is not the job of psychologists and personality tests.

The growth of sites like eHarmony and PerfectMatch is not natural. Love is not a book or a pair of shoes (alright sometimes love can be a pair of shoes but damn, you can’t marry a pair of shoes). Love is a full-time load of constant communication laced with freedom, fear and trust (like I trust that these shoes are not going to give me blisters after 6 hours straight). The idea that I can take a test and my results are going to determine who I fall in love with is just, well, retarded.

What these sites seek to do is to eliminate the risk of finding your partner. Frankly, that is just wrong. There has to be risk. If there is no risk – if you can just go to the next “match” – then where is the motivation to put yourself on the line? Where is the excitement that leads to first date jitters, great sex, your first real fight, great make-up sex, and so on and so on. Without risk, where is the reward?

I don’t want my journey sanitized (OK, I’m married but if I wasn’t the last place I would look for love is a Dianetics wanna be site full of psycho-babble). I risked and I got hurt and I learned a ton about myself in finding the man that I call my partner for life, my husband. It is a great feeling of accomplishment that I earned through the investment of my time, emotion and wardrobe allowance. The only test we had to pass was the one we gave each other and so far we are making the grade.

Author: terry

I am a socially liberal, fiscally conservative Berkeley grad who loves words and makes my living manipulating people with them. In short, I am a marketing consultant. Straight, married, white female with a healthy appetite for good food, fine wine and great times with friends and family. I've got a thick skin, a sense of humor and I am absolutely without shame or political affiliation. I don't do religion, though I do believe in God. I am a true believer in personal responsibility, personal privacy and active philanthropy. My personal philosophy: Live with integrity, love passionately, fight bravely and never give up! So, go ahead, challenge me, my opinions, my facts - I'm looking forward to it.

One thought on “You can’t be trusted to choose your lover”

  1. What a great entry, and wonderfully stated…as beautiful as those pink alligator slides.

    My favorite lines were:

    “Love is a full-time load of constant communication laced with freedom, fear and trust…”

    “What these sites seek to do is to eliminate the risk of finding your partner. Frankly, that is just wrong. There has to be risk.”

    And “I risked and I got hurt and I learned a ton about myself in finding the man that I call my partner for life, my husband. It is a great feeling of accomplishment that I earned through the investment of my time, emotion and wardrobe allowance. The only test we had to pass was the one we gave each other and so far we are making the grade.”

    Your concepts of risk and investment are right on—as generally there seems to be a direct relationship between risk + investment and return. I too have risked greatly and invested dearly in my relationship, resulting in something that’s deep and real, with passion that beats imagination. Some of the best relationsips I’ve seen would not have initially been “scientifically” correct or compatible. For some of us, “the one” is not someone we ourselves would have initially identified or chosen.

    More of these, please.

Comments are closed.