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July 28, 2003

More job ads should be like this

The Toxic Custard Workshop Files (one of the first blogs ever, which I've been reading since, oh, 1991) just pointed me to these two very amusing job ads [ad1] [ad2]. They were originally posted to Australia's monster-equivalent Seek, but found here in less evanescent form. More recruitment should be like this.

Posted by jay at July 28, 2003 01:07 PM | TrackBack
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Comments

Very amusing! I wonder how the customers feel about this style of ad.

Posted by: Gary on July 28, 2003 10:13 PM

The original in this series of job ads has been discovered! Read all about what you need to be a helpdesk dude.

Posted by: david on August 7, 2003 12:19 PM

Looks like the first link has gone down, so here is the text for posterity:

Web Developer

So you were a top Web Developer, once, many years ago, until the “correction”. Now nobody cares and you are shunned in public, much as lepers were in the fifteenth century. Your modern-day equivalent of the chiming bell and vile burbling exclamations of “Unclean! Unclean!” is the obnoxious ringtone on your expensive mobile. There’s a good chance you listen to either Sisters of Mercy and Bauhaus or elaborate Paul Oakenfold remixes, with a bit of bootlegged Chemical Brothers thrown in for good measure. Maybe you find yourself missing the ashtray completely, and your ESC through F3 keys are thoroughly clogged up with burned, cancerous grey flakes. For better or for worse, you’re familiar with such repugnant images as goatse.cx and know what STFU means. In all probability your beverage of choice is Jolt/Columbian Cola, and you have the weeping stomach ulcers to prove it. You give copies of Photoshop 7.0 to your friends, thereby depriving a fat CEO somewhere of a heated driveway. You have a world-crushing collection of MP3s. Your author of choice: Neal Stephenson or William Gibson. You have every volume of Gaiman’s Sandman series, though you decided after Volume III that it`s all a bit of a wank. Sometimes, you pretend you are in The Matrix. Your half-elf mage/rogue is at Level 9, and has actually worked out how to put a Bag of Holding within another Bag of Holding without imploding Ravenloft. You can pronounce "Urotsukidoji" without hurting yourself, and can rocket-jump better than anyone you know. You have a bit of an attitude when it comes to Windows XP, and you like to recompile kernels.

Your spine looks like a u-bend.

Others may call you freakish. We call you lovely. And in reward for your loveliness, we would like to offer you this mildly exciting opportunity, if your idea of excitement is a RAM upgrade:

This is a fun little two week contract for a reasonably experienced Web Developer with plenty of HTML (well, duh), JavaScript and ASP know-how. Ideally you will also be fluent in the, and I quote, “uploading of ASP pages from a SAP business connector”. I said that out loud and Shub-Niggurath appeared and attempted to devour my soul through some impressive shambling and ominous tentacle-writhing, so I won’t investigate it any further.

But anyway, that’s the deal. Either you like it or you don’t, and we’re not about to tell you either way. It’s a two week contract for a company here in the city, and will probably be paying about $25 per hour, commensurate with experience. So apply now (or don’t), or call Gary Fernandes for more information.

Please contact Gary Fernandes quoting reference number SK/GFWD on:
phone (03) 9629 6788 • fax (03) 9629 5788
Email: Please click the 'Apply Now' button below.

Posted by: david on September 26, 2003 10:10 AM
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